Do not just look for it. Live and enjoy what is. Expect it, yes. Give it, because it is what we are here for. It is the reason we have relation... it is the only inner relation the entire world has with each other. Just know that it is here, it is for you, and it is for you to share. Love not only lasts, but it prevails.

Bitter Street

Holding to the feeling when we walked your street together
Pretending we're still there and you want your hand in mine
Wishing we were still there talking how we love the weather
Trying to be real and stop looking for a sign


Trying was a burden and I wish I would have known
I thought it's what you wanted so I shoved it in your face
I gave love, but know I know, my type of love is overgrown
From now on, I'll cut it back if romance can give me grace

Weighing Attraction, Hurt and Love

This feeling, constant, of magnets in my chest

Magnets and metal weighing it down

And this new person I’ve met, you are not a welcomed guest

When will you be leaving town?

My thoughts, they try going about as normal

But they only drag around, and repeat their paths

And this new person, our first meeting, not even formal

You’ve shown me some new types of wraths

Why do you like it to be so dark?

I cannot see to learn your new face

On my arm I found these marks

Of my wrong, you record every trace

Will you ever here my words?

I tried to tell you what is wrong

I tried many times, you never heard

New man, please return where you belong

My body aches at unusual times

Sometimes just hearing a sound

Like when my alarm song chimes

My heart hurts with every pound

What does this new man bring?

This woman shakes and needs to know

With every thought there is a sting

For it to stop, where do I go?

Blindness

You let it happen and I saw it, but you treated it like nothing

Even though I make it easy for you all I get is bluffing

I ask you for and all I give you is the real thing

You never have to wonder ‘cause truth is all I bring

Shitty feelings come and go, but those words stay in my mind

You try to give a reason but a good one, you’ll not find

Hearing what is wrong I can see is too much for you

‘Cause that is all you bring up, ignoring what you do

Even after such a thing as turning me your back

You focus what I could have done to lead you to that track

The words I said to you do not justify your words to her

They justify my want, my need, my love for what we were.

In Midst of a Mist

In this mist of darkness I can now see my face

So I search and I run for a hiding place

When I look to find what I always deny

I wonder what it matters if I still try

Can a soul such as mine really hollow over time?

While I've done terrible things, I've not commited a crime

In the midst of darkness I have in my life

I search for an ending to all this strife

And I look to find what I once denied

To find it no more, I feel gratified

Now this soul grown hollow is like a child

But I'll still search for love as I'm running wild.

My Soul Lies With Hers

She's a lovely girl, why, she's the love of my life.

But lately, the sound of her voice cuts through me like a knife.

And I can't help but wonder where she'll be in ten years.

That very thought, is one of my few fears.

Can't let her go. I love her, can't let her go.

She's the one in my dreams, the one girl I truly know.

Once I leave I'll think of what should have been done.

They say, "the one that got away" and I know she'll be the one.

Yes, she's a lovely girl, but I feel trapped out at sea.

I tread in her flood of signals and feelings, but does she love me?

She smiles, not just through her lips, but through her dark eyes.

But that same sweet smile is what brings out all my cries.

And my heart dies...

My heart no longer flies.

Her heart... the tomb for my soul, where my love truly lies.

My Wishes Have Meaning... Please Let Them Be Good Enough

Can you free my troubled mind from fear of crumbled dreams

And take my words, consider them, then cut fear at the seams?

Never, have I wanted or asked for you to change

Just made slim numbered requests that you feel to be strange.

And never, have you altered or moved something for me

To simply say you care for my wishes to be.

I do not want to change, and you should stay the same

Just, take the bothersome away so my mind will be tame.

Do not allow a reason for worry to be there

A simple shift in tendencies would take away this scare.

I certainly in no way am accusing you of wrong

But, showing you the reason I have felt this so strong.

My thought process is natural, it is nothing I control.

For you to understand this is my intended goal.

Mutual

A mutual decision between two hearts

Or was it two bodies that should be apart?

Beginning as friends... becoming much more

And ending with both of their hearts being sore.

Twisting the knife and enjoying the pain

While the secrets and feelings still remain.

Diving through flesh and into the soul

Of the one who now is paying the toll.

It is not their fault, their intentions were pure

But now it is the end, and I’m regretfully sure.

My Songs From a Different List

I was thinking, just the other day

How I look at things in a different way.

There was a time I'd hear a love song

And at that time it wouldn't feel so wrong.

I miss the days when my mind was young 

Before I was the one in that song being sung.

The days when music was only pretty

And the words just sounded cute and witty. 

There were no deeper meanings than the sound

I could sing or listen while just walking around.

Now, I hear the same old chime

Except not the same as it was last time.

If there was a video to this tune

I would be the one singing under the moon.

I would sing of a love and cry over a loss

If you looked to my eyes you would see the gloss.

So now, when I am in my bed asleep

I dream of the days I still counted the sheep.

Just a little girl with an innocent crush

Nothing to cause her heartbeat to rush.

When I would see a boy, and claim him as mine

Without ever speaking,'cause back then, that was fine.

When I wake up again in the morning

My music is playing, as if it is a warning.

It plays to my ears as a soft reminder

That, to my heart, I must be kinder.

So, I shuffle my songs from a different list

And look forward to the next time I will be kissed.

Home Sick

I used to fall to sleep at night with the peace that you were near.

Just knowing that when morning came, it was your voice I would hear.

I would go about my day, blaring music in my car.

I could actually hear music, because I knew you weren't far.

Now I have faced what one should never have to fear.

My home was in your eyes and laughter, but you have left me here.

I am home sick now, you took away my home.

And so all I can do is allow my soul to roam.

These feelings seem to never disappear

My heart is always heavy and my mind is never clear.

Chains around my ankles and I know they're mine to break

But you left so suddenly and my effort would be fake.

I play my music still, with it turned up all the way.

But I do not hear music, I just hear what I can't say.

I am home sick now, I let my home disappear.

So I try my best to find comfort in the unfamiliar.

Now I have faced what one should never have to fear

My home was in your eyes and laughter, but you have left me here.

I am home sick now, you took away my home.

And so all I can do is allow my sould to roam. 

These feelings seem to never disappear

My heart is always heavy and my mind is never clear.

Chains around my ankles and I know they're mine to break

But you left so suddenly and my effort would be fake.

I am home sick now, I let my home disappear.

So I try my best to find comfort in the unfamiliar.

The Culprit of My Heart's Suicide

I would love to run freely, into his arms

Grasping to him, who does me no harm.

He never has and never will

So, why am I here, standing still?

He opens his heart and I know where he stands

And I know my heart would be well, in his hands.

If he were to leave and I did not chase

Down the road, I feel there is something I'd face.

The stab by the conscience in which I confide.

The culprit of my heart's suicide.

To imagine my heart there on the ground

Knowing, that I used to have him, around.

Knowing that I allowed him to move on

That I am the reason that good man is gone.

I Needed Benadryl

I stay awake, lying in bed for hours.

My imagination over-powers.

Pictures form up on my ceiling.

A girl alone... So, why is she kneeling?

At first, I could not comprehend.

Time passes, I see this girl has sinned.

The consequences bring suffering.

Above her head is hovering

The light that brings her to a place

Where carved in stone is every trace

Of things she's done... Mistakes she made.

It is time for her to make a trade.

Her life for pain and all her fears.

It's enough to bring this girl to tears.

She begs and trembles... bends to one knee.

My mind brings back what at first I did see.

This time though, that girl is me.

What judgment could I have rightfully passed?

Those hateful thoughts did not last.

For, when I looked into my eyes,

I saw the glaze of my disguise.

But, no longer would my tears bring grace.

They no longer provide a hiding place.

This time my responsibilities

Are mine to carry, no passing the keys.

The light, she follows to the stairs.

She turns back, the pictures tears.

Now, she is looking back at me.

I stare at who I used to be

Before I crawled into my bed.

So, I turn over and rest my head.

When morning comes and I rise

I'll see the world through different eyes.

All of us known as sinners of the earth

Are beautiful for what it’s worth.