My Wishes Have Meaning... Please Let Them Be Good Enough

Can you free my troubled mind from fear of crumbled dreams

And take my words, consider them, then cut fear at the seams?

Never, have I wanted or asked for you to change

Just made slim numbered requests that you feel to be strange.

And never, have you altered or moved something for me

To simply say you care for my wishes to be.

I do not want to change, and you should stay the same

Just, take the bothersome away so my mind will be tame.

Do not allow a reason for worry to be there

A simple shift in tendencies would take away this scare.

I certainly in no way am accusing you of wrong

But, showing you the reason I have felt this so strong.

My thought process is natural, it is nothing I control.

For you to understand this is my intended goal.

Mutual

A mutual decision between two hearts

Or was it two bodies that should be apart?

Beginning as friends... becoming much more

And ending with both of their hearts being sore.

Twisting the knife and enjoying the pain

While the secrets and feelings still remain.

Diving through flesh and into the soul

Of the one who now is paying the toll.

It is not their fault, their intentions were pure

But now it is the end, and I’m regretfully sure.

My Songs From a Different List

I was thinking, just the other day

How I look at things in a different way.

There was a time I'd hear a love song

And at that time it wouldn't feel so wrong.

I miss the days when my mind was young 

Before I was the one in that song being sung.

The days when music was only pretty

And the words just sounded cute and witty. 

There were no deeper meanings than the sound

I could sing or listen while just walking around.

Now, I hear the same old chime

Except not the same as it was last time.

If there was a video to this tune

I would be the one singing under the moon.

I would sing of a love and cry over a loss

If you looked to my eyes you would see the gloss.

So now, when I am in my bed asleep

I dream of the days I still counted the sheep.

Just a little girl with an innocent crush

Nothing to cause her heartbeat to rush.

When I would see a boy, and claim him as mine

Without ever speaking,'cause back then, that was fine.

When I wake up again in the morning

My music is playing, as if it is a warning.

It plays to my ears as a soft reminder

That, to my heart, I must be kinder.

So, I shuffle my songs from a different list

And look forward to the next time I will be kissed.

Home Sick

I used to fall to sleep at night with the peace that you were near.

Just knowing that when morning came, it was your voice I would hear.

I would go about my day, blaring music in my car.

I could actually hear music, because I knew you weren't far.

Now I have faced what one should never have to fear.

My home was in your eyes and laughter, but you have left me here.

I am home sick now, you took away my home.

And so all I can do is allow my soul to roam.

These feelings seem to never disappear

My heart is always heavy and my mind is never clear.

Chains around my ankles and I know they're mine to break

But you left so suddenly and my effort would be fake.

I play my music still, with it turned up all the way.

But I do not hear music, I just hear what I can't say.

I am home sick now, I let my home disappear.

So I try my best to find comfort in the unfamiliar.

Now I have faced what one should never have to fear

My home was in your eyes and laughter, but you have left me here.

I am home sick now, you took away my home.

And so all I can do is allow my sould to roam. 

These feelings seem to never disappear

My heart is always heavy and my mind is never clear.

Chains around my ankles and I know they're mine to break

But you left so suddenly and my effort would be fake.

I am home sick now, I let my home disappear.

So I try my best to find comfort in the unfamiliar.

The Culprit of My Heart's Suicide

I would love to run freely, into his arms

Grasping to him, who does me no harm.

He never has and never will

So, why am I here, standing still?

He opens his heart and I know where he stands

And I know my heart would be well, in his hands.

If he were to leave and I did not chase

Down the road, I feel there is something I'd face.

The stab by the conscience in which I confide.

The culprit of my heart's suicide.

To imagine my heart there on the ground

Knowing, that I used to have him, around.

Knowing that I allowed him to move on

That I am the reason that good man is gone.

I Needed Benadryl

I stay awake, lying in bed for hours.

My imagination over-powers.

Pictures form up on my ceiling.

A girl alone... So, why is she kneeling?

At first, I could not comprehend.

Time passes, I see this girl has sinned.

The consequences bring suffering.

Above her head is hovering

The light that brings her to a place

Where carved in stone is every trace

Of things she's done... Mistakes she made.

It is time for her to make a trade.

Her life for pain and all her fears.

It's enough to bring this girl to tears.

She begs and trembles... bends to one knee.

My mind brings back what at first I did see.

This time though, that girl is me.

What judgment could I have rightfully passed?

Those hateful thoughts did not last.

For, when I looked into my eyes,

I saw the glaze of my disguise.

But, no longer would my tears bring grace.

They no longer provide a hiding place.

This time my responsibilities

Are mine to carry, no passing the keys.

The light, she follows to the stairs.

She turns back, the pictures tears.

Now, she is looking back at me.

I stare at who I used to be

Before I crawled into my bed.

So, I turn over and rest my head.

When morning comes and I rise

I'll see the world through different eyes.

All of us known as sinners of the earth

Are beautiful for what it’s worth.